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The Charlie Brown Complex: Lack of Confidence.

How many people do you know that are suffer from the Charlie Brown Complex? 

And so the phrase Charlie Brown complex has been coined to refer to the lack of confidence in oneself. Which in turn lead to lack of contentment with self.

It always seemed that good ol' Charlie Brown could do nothing right...and he knew it, and believed that about himself deeply. Charlie Brown's lack of confidence in himself became his mantra. It didn't matter if it was doing a homework project, pitching in a baseball game, or trying to to kick that football, more times than not, he believed he was doomed to fail.

How many of us take on the same complex that Charlie Brown did...lack of confidence in yourself.

Leadership specialist, John Maxwell, states, "If there is one quality that would make you successful in motivating people or convincing people to follow your lead, that trait would be authentic confidence." 

Have you ever been confronted with low self-confidence? I think every one has at one time or another. 

I have found it is possible for a person to know where they are going, yet lack the self-confidence to convince others to follow along. Leaders who consistently lack confidence, in my observation, will not last long in leadership.

It has been said that, self-confidence carries a conviction; it makes others believe in us. A good leader with confidence has the ability to bring out positive changes in people. But what if you don't have much confidence in yourself, but desire to become more of a confident person. What do you do?  How can you become confident? 

Six steps to developing confidence (taken from Be a People Person, by John Maxwell):

1. Establish your worth according to God's value system. 
2. Focus on God and not your situation. 
3. Develop friendships with confident people (birds of a feather...)
4. Put a few wins under your belt. 
5. Find one thing you're good at and then specialize until you are special.
6. Begin to develop a knowledge of people and product (good people skills + competency = confidence). 

 

 

What would Tony Soprano say to Church Leaders?

Once every year my wife and I do a Sopranos marathon video rental. I know, I know, graphic violence, etc, etc. etc....and pastor's shouldn't watch stuff like that.  But, the show is well written and extremely well acted. 

What is so interesting to me about The Sapranos is watching Tony's journey to be emotionally healthy as a leader. Tony Soprano is confronted with the fact that if he doesn't get help for the negative emotional issues in his life, he might lose his marriage, physically die, or at the very least, the organization he leads will ultimately fall apart. It has been said, "As goes the leader, so goes the organization."

What might Mr. Tony Soprano say to Mr. church leader? Well he might say something like this, "Get your emotional *!&@*@!! together before you hurt the family business" (Well, what did you expect-Ward Cleaver).  

Many pastors have hurt the "family business" (the church) due to the neglect of engaging their emotional unhealthy issues.  Many pastoral leaders deny that anything unhealthy might even exist at all.  In return, those kind of pastors end up attracting emotionally unhealthy congregations in the long run and end up hurting the family business. 

Peter Scazzero, in his book,The Emotionally Healthy Church, says, "We cannot grow an emotionally healthy church if we ourselves are not addressing issues beneath the surface of our lives." As goes the leader, so goes the church.

 

FOUR BIG WAYS to build your INFLUENCE INDEX:

1. Commit yourself to becoming a WORLD-CLASS ENCOURAGER. This is the most basic of all principles in relationship skills for leaders.

2. Practice the five basic steps to PERSONAL CHARISMA.

• Learn people's names quickly.
• Be more interested in making people feel good about themselves, than making people fell good about you. 
• Smile much and live with a positive attitude.
• Listen more than you talk. 
• Share the credit and praise. 

3. Master your trade and INCREASE your PRODUCTIVITY. 

• Does my work play to my strengths?
• Do others recognize my success?
• Do I have an "extra-mile-whatever it takes attitude?"
• Am I growing and getting better?
• Are others enjoying and benefiting from my success? 

4. INVEST your life into DEVELOPING PEOPLE around you and closest to you.Creating a climate or environment for potential leaders to blossom around you is essential. This is essential for anyone who desire to increase their influence. 

• Identify your key people and invest your efforts and energy into them.
• Nurture your key people and care about their success. 
• Equip your key people and build their competencies. 
• Develop key people and invest in their growth. 

 

 

What is your definition of leadership?

What do people in your organization buy into as the definition of leadership? Isn't there plenty of definitions, misconceptions, and myths that people embrace about leaders and leadership? 

Fifteen years ago, John Maxwell taught me in The Law of Influence that, "leadership is influence, nothing more, nothing less." I have embraced this definition of leadership for some time. Leadership is the ability to obtain followers.  Therefore, a leader must work on that ability of becoming a person of influence that others willfully follow.

One of the misunderstandings people have about leadership is that want to think it is based on position. Positional leadership is more about rights and titles. Leaders who uses their title as a right to lead will eventually, overtime, fall flat in their leadership.

 Like William Wallace (played by Mel Gibson in Braveheart) said, "Men don't follow titles, they follow courage."  That quote speaks volume. Leadership titles don not necessarely make you a leader. 

Influential leadership really has more to do with relational than positional. Positional leaders, John Maxwell points out, do not generally stoop to help others; relational leaders do. Relational leaders are intent on finding ways to increase their influence index (developing, equipping, empowering, mentoring, and discipling). Relationships are 85% of leadership, therefore, elational leaders are focused and intent of the process of developing people (People Development).

Developing a passion for people development and building strong relationship skills are marks of RELATIONAL LEADERS. Relational leaders understand that by serving, developing and empowering people, that this alone will increase their influence with people.  

Do You Influence People With an Enchanting Smile?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I just finished a book, entitled, Enchantment: The Art of Changing Hearts, Minds, and Actions.  This was written by Guy Kawasaki, business guru, twitter king, cofounder of ALLTOP.COM, and former chief evangelist of Apple (you gotta dig the title "chief evangelist"). 

Enchantment has everything to do with how to positively influence what people will do while maintaining a high standard of ethics.  

Enchantment has a similar VIBE of Dale Carnegie's, How to Win Friends, and Influence People. Kawasaki does a masterful job explaining when and why enchantment is necessary and outlines the pillars of enchantment: likability, trustworthiness, and a great cause.

In chapter 2, entitled, How to Achieve Likability. Likability is a most important quality to have, because "jerks seldom enchant people." The ability to lead and implement a great idea, cause, or company that influences people, one must have a certain amount of likability.

Kawasaki gives FOUR factors that will enhance your likability: your smile, your dress, your handshake, and your vocabulary. 

Think about the first factor for a moment: SMILING. What does it cost to smile? Nothing. What does it cost not to smile? Everything, if it prevents you from connecting with people and making an impact on them.

Kawasaki notes, "While smiling sends a very clear message about your state of mind, not smiling creates an opening for many interpretations, including grumpiness, aloofness, and anger--none of which helps you enchant people." 

 Keys thoughts about business, enchanting, and smiling:

• Do you like to do business with grumpy people? Neither do I. 
• Learn to think good thoughts.
• If you're grumpy inside, it's hard to have a smile that lights up a room.
• Fake smiling doesn't get noticed. 
• A great smile uses the orbicularis oculi muscle. This muscle surrounds your eyes (it makes you squint and makes you get crow's feet).
• Keep your teeth clean. Good breath helps too. 
• A real smile is so special that it has its own name: the Duchenne smile, in honor of Guillaume Duchenne, a Frech neurologist. 
• Smiles increase physical attractiveness. 

"Little Miracle Guy's" Birthday Party, Good People, and my first Mentor & Pastor.

Edwinna and I had a chance to celebrate the first year of life with Jon & Melody's "miracle guy" Nehemiah tonight. Jon and Melody are such a great couple.  They have been such great encouragers to Edwinna and I in our ministry...we love them very much...Happy Birthday Nehemiah!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We also had a chance to visit the recently "tornado struck" North Side of Minneapolis. Unbelievable!

 

 

 

 

However, as we were traveling the streets of North Side, we came across the church where I first accepted Christ...and guess who I saw in the front of the church (passing out water to people who needed it)?  My first pastor and mentor, Louis Walton

 

 

 

 

 

 

My life would never be the same because of Pastor Walton and the people in this church. I was spiritually and culturally transformed at Trinity Tabernacle in 1992. The community at this church was amazing to me. So many people took the time and showed me the LOVE OF CHRIST in so many ways. The grandmothers of the church took me under their wings, showed me love, and accepted me as a child of God...and taught me to pray!  The love that I received from this church will be forever ingrained in my heart. I was discipled at Trinity Tabernacle from 1992-1995.  

I answered the call to ministry after 1995, and started pastoring a youth ministry in East St. Paul with Edwinna.

I will forever love you Pastor Walton, and thank you for giving to the Lord...I am a life who has been forever changed!

Dave Gibbons, Hodge, McConico, and Caleb Luper...learning moments from all of them!

This last weekend I had the privilege of visiting some great friends and meet some new people. I traveled to Milwaukee, Wisconsin and then Aurora, Illinois.  I rented a Jeep and headed forth with my music, leadership podcasts, and my Starbucks coffee.

This how my weekend schedule looked like, and what I learned and took away from each person I had connected with: 

Thursday, May 19^th: Stopped in Milwaukee and visited my good homie, Simon McConico.  Simon is establishing himself as one of the up and coming innovative photographers in the region. Simon and his business partner Jake, lead an innovative company called, Valo Photography. Simon took some photos of me for my new creative coaching network coming soon.

 

 

 

 

Learning Moments from Simon:

• Take a risk
• Laugh and love what you do.

Simon is taking his dream and making it a reality; has a passion for his work (and it shows), and a great sense of humor. Love that dude!

Friday, May 20^th: Drove from Milwaukee to Aurora to visited Scott Hodge -one of my best “bros.”  I have known Scott for 17 years.  Every time I have a chance to hang with this guy, we laugh, get deep in discussion, and truly encourage each other as friends and leaders. Scott loves good company, good food, good drinks, and a good time.  He is an artist, author, and communicator; he pastors a great church community called, The Orchard.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Learning Moments from Scott:

• Keep leading
• Persevere,
• Stay creative,
• Risk, dream, and have faith.

Friday afternoon I had the privielage to have lunch with Caleb Luper. I really, really, really, enjoyed hangin’ with this guy. Caleb is Executive Director of Triple Threat Mentoring. He initially just wanted to help some kids out...and God took “mentoring kids” to a whole new dynamic level.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Learning Moments from Caleb:

• Laugh & Pray – You never know what God can do when a man really prays.
• Just Do It - overused cliche, but when I hear this man's story that is the phrase that comes to mind. 

Saturday, May 21^st: Scott invited one of his mentors and good friend, Dave Gibbons to speak at The Orchard, and spend some intimate time with his staff.  I was so very fortunate to be invited into that circle by Scott.

I was truly inspired by Dave’s words, teaching, and stories.  I also had a fantastic time listening and talking to his wife, Becca…she was so much fun. 

I hope my wife and I will be able to connect with them some way in the future….truly inspiring! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Who is Dave Gibbons:

• Founder and Lead Pastor of NewSong Church in Irvine, CA.
• Author of the book, The Monkey and the Fish.
• Leads a movement of churches in Bangkok, India, Mexico City, London, Los Angeles, and soon Beijing and Seoul.
• He has four children and has been married for 25 years to his best friend.
• His kryptonite is food especially desserts.

 Learning Moments from Dave and Becca:

* Simply put, "START BELIEVING IN THE WONDER OF GOD AGAIN!"

 

Part II: The 6 Questions for Leading People Through Change

I believe leadership is one of the most widely talked about subjects and at the same time one of the most elusive and puzzling.  

Especially most elusive and puzzling, when you think of it in the context of leading a church (volunteer organization) through a journey of transition and change.  GREAT leaders have to continue to reflect, learn, grow, and find ways to continue to lead better in those "organizational transitioning seasons."  

These are some of my observation of what I learned from the 6 questions, the board meeting, and the process and challenge of leading organizational change:

• Organizations (churches) can be in decline; experience low morale, waning attendance, struggling finances, ineffective in the community, and STILL not make significant changes.

•  Never assume that everyone in leadership positions is ready for change.

• Leaders get stuck in comfort zones.  People in leadership may not sense the need to really make some significant changes.

• It's the job of the top leader to get the church ready to embrace the journey of transition and change. 

• You can’t reach everyone...nor should you! 

• Creating and implementing internal changes can take its toll on the leadership.

• Get buy-in!  Personally talk to key influencers (staff, boards, key business, and lay leaders) before you launch a change process.

• Creating a sense of urgency in people is critical in inspiring and motivating them to change.

•  Vision casting for change must be strategic, intentional, consistent, and creative.  Lack of creative vision casting from the leader hurts the change process.

• Saying you WANT change, and DOING change is as different as night and day.

• Building an effective team takes intentional work. The team are the leaders who will initiate changes in the workplace.

• Allowing ineffective church programming to go on for too long will hurt organizational momentum.

• What holds leaders back from making changes? Answer: Submitting to fear, complacency, and insecurity of what people might think, do, or say.

• Complacency must be confronted daily.

• When leaders are in the process of strategic change – share the “wins” in a creative way as much as you can.

 

 

 

The "6" Questions for Change - Part I

Scott Hodge, (friend of 17 years) pastor of The Orchard Community in Aurora, Illinois, gave me 6 amazing questions for organizational change about three years ago.  Scott, had also used these questions to help him navigate a "ninety-year-old church from a painful, yet rewarding journey of change."

I remember using these questions for the first time when I was invited into a church board meeting; the focus was on organizational and strategic change of the church.  

Here are the six questions:

1. Who do I believe God is calling us to reach?

2. Are we reaching them? Currently and consistently?

3. If not, what do I need to change? Be specific – what do we need to stop doing? or what do we need to start doing? 

4. What is holding me back from making these changes?

5. How could those changes impact us organizationally?

6. How could those changes impact me (as a leader) personally? Am I willing to pay the price to make those changes? 

 

The 6 Questions for Change Part II: What I learned from these 6 questions, the board meeting, and the process and challenge of leading organizational change coming next post! 

 

Great Vibe in Uptown...Salsa dancing!

Edwinna and I with BRUNO, our latin salsa dance instructor. Four Season Dance Studio has a great environment, uptown vibe, very eclectic, and fantastic instructors. Great place for a (sexy) date with your wife...watch out "twinkle toes" jamey J. johnson coming your way soon!